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You’re a mom; life is hectic.  You need ways to unwind and relax – to honor yourself as much as you honor your family.  As a mother, you give so much to others that now it’s time to give something back to yourself.  Here are simple, inexpensive ways to bring the spa into your home:

1. When your child angrily hurls banana slices at your face, leave them there.  Go ahead and smoosh those bananas into a heavenly facial mask.  Nameste.

2. If you’ve been so busy that you had no time to go to the grocery store, pretend you’re on a juice fast with no actual juice.  Don’t eat anything and go to bed hungry!  You’ll cry all night and shiver for free.  It’s just like an expensive weight loss spa.

3. When your child doesn’t realize his own strength and hits you, pretend it’s innovative “Scream Therapy” and he’s helping you release all your inner demons.  Fun!

4. If you get your child’s feces on you while changing her, put that stuff under your eyes.  If you don’t vomit from the terrible smell, pretend it’s a mud mask.  This will require a lot of imagination on your part, so it’s like a creativity workshop and a spa treatment all wrapped up into one!

5. If you fall asleep on one of your son’s toys because you’re tired and you haven’t cleaned up in three days, pretend it’s a fancy massage chair and let it get those knots out of your back.  If you wake up and the toy has embedded into your skin permanently, call a doctor, and enjoy the serenity.

6. When your husband hasn’t seen you in anything other than an over-sized bathrobe that makes you looks like Cookie Monster’s fat cousin “Cake Bitch” – pretend you’re on a sexy Couple’s Retreat and the reason you’re wearing a bathrobe is because you just got out of a scintillating Couple’s Massage.  Then, fool yourself into thinking you haven’t had sex in weeks because you just had sex… because in your weird mind you are on a Couple’s Retreat and not just super tired from having a kid.

7. You probably haven’t showered in days so pretend that smell on you is really a funky musk you got from that woman selling essential oils at the organic spa.  You’re not “gross;” you’re unique and toxin-free!

8. You haven’t colored your hair since you got pregnant.  Pretend your weird gray-brown-black-blonde-red hybrid is actual a creative ombre and that you spent thousands on it.  Then, after you’re done pretending, put that hair up in one of your husband’s disgusting ball caps because you deserve it, gurl.

9. If your child scratches you with his kiddie-talons-of-death, pretend the blood streaming down your forehead is from acupuncture and you’re only one treatment away from total Zen.

10. Train yourself to think your child’s screams are a relaxing Nature CD.  Instead of howling wolves of the arctic, or calming streams of the rain forest, your child’s own screams of anger are your cue to relax into a smooth ocean of sleep.  If their screaming continues, just go further into a deep sleep, and then hope they don’t hurt themselves while you finally get a nap.