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We are at my husband’s parents’ place in a remote, mountainous area of Virginia for a week.  This means I am doing NOTHING.

When some people say they are doing nothing, they’re actually doing things like cooking, cleaning or showering; but I am actually doing nothing.  Okay, okay, technically I’m writing this blog entry so I’m not really doing “nothing.”  I get it, Mr. Attorney-Man!  Yeesh… I guess I am doing something but the point is I have been incredibly lazy and I LOVE IT.

At my in-laws’ house they cook us gourmet meals with fancy things like “truffles” and “actual meat” in them, take care of my daughter so I can catch up on sleep and then cook us more incredible food.  My Mother-in-Law is a domestic goddess.  She makes bread from scratch, cookies from scratch, and bacon-friggin-jelly from scratch.  Then, she goes to her art studio (yeah, she has an actual art studio) and paints beautiful oil paintings of the lovely landscape. My Mom-in-Law is Martha Stewart without the nasty felony on her record.  She’s incredible.

Some people might feel intimidated by this, but I lap it up.  It means I get to eat good food and get fatter.  It means my daughter gets to do crafts with a woman who actually understands what “crafts” are.  Seriously, I am the LEAST crafty woman on the planet.  This means, I get to be the laziest pile of laziness ever when I am in her home.  I’m utterly useless.

I offer to clean, I offer to chop up stuff and she will have none of it and that’s totally cool with me.  Honestly, I was just offering so I looked like a less terrible human being than I actually am.  I didn’t want to.  Sidenote: nobody who is a guest who offers to do something actually wants to do anything.  They’re just trying to not be a jerk.

I’m loving this doing nothing thing so much that I have no room to feel inadequate.  I simply cannot feel “less than” because I’ve already acknowledged I’m “less than.”  I’m not a perfect Mommy; I’m not a perfect wife; I’ve never made homemade bacon jam in my goddamn life.

And that’s fine… because I can still eat bacon jam and then have enough energy to play with my daughter and, yes, write a blog entry.  I’m liking the start of this year, even though it means my skinny jeans will be more like sausage castings for awhile.

Happy New Year everyone!