I have a problem and I’ve had it since I was a wee child – I have resting bitch face. You might think to yourself, “Wow, white lady! Talk about a champagne problem!” And you’d be correct. This is the Dom Perignon of sparkling wine problems; but I’d like to address it.
Whenever I’m thinking, I look like a total asshole. When I was a child in math class, working out a problem in my big old head, I looked like a gigantic jerk because my thinking face is another woman’s bitch face. If I’m deciding on a sandwich and it’s really hard because everything seems delicious and I’m starving; I look like a judgmental idiot. Whenever I’m driving and don’t know where I’m going (which is ALWAYS when I’m driving) – I look like a dick.
So, if I ever pass you and my face screams, “I’m a bitch!” it’s probably just because I’m thinking.
Oh, and also, sometimes I’m just being a bitch.