Kids’ Shows are TERRIFYING
I am so glad Moira is still a baby so I don’t have to watch children’s shows… because they’re nightmare-inducing piles of rainbow horror. I mean, seriously, this is what my nightmares look like, except in them I’m also naked, back in high school and on my period while mean girls throw cheese curds at my vagina.
You don’t also have that recurring tight terror? Weird.
Getting back to children’s shows – they’re the worst. Look at this intro from The Wiggles. Grown men in turtlenecks are singing to children. Think about that sentence for a second. GROWN ASS MEN in TURTLENECKS are singing to kids. If one of these creeps approached your kid, you’d turn away and run, knowing you just narrowly escaped a pervert who probably has an extensive criminal record. If adult men in turtlenecks approached your kids while singing and having perma-smiles on their skinny little faces, you would immediately call the cops. There’s no way you would do anything else. You would speed dial that shit and get those jerks in jail stat.
So anyways – gratitude, guys. I’m super grateful my kid is still a baby so I don’t have to watch this horseshit.